Friday, July 29, 2005
Me and My Balls on the Subway
Another week has come and gone. I just love Fridays. It’s like a different world. You know, cuz of Whitely, Dwayne Wayne, and Jaleesa.
My friend Angie has gone away on vacation, so I’m house-sitting for her and taking care of her fatty puffball of a cat, named Alex. He’s adorable, but extremely skittish. Last night he was curled up in my lap, having the rub down of his life, when the phone rang. He immediately bolted and ran under the bed. If I didn’t know Angie better, I swear she’s been beating the shit out of him. Otherwise, he’s just CUHRAZY!
I ate a bagel with light veggie cream cheese this morning. Good story, eh?
Next week, Paul and I are going on vacation! I’m so excited to get out of this smelly, hot city. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love New York City with my whole heart, but sometimes you just want to have a couple of days where you don’t have to ride the subway, deal with obnoxious New Yawkers, or smell the stench of piss and vomit that’s been basking in the 98 degree sun. Paul and I will be staying in an Ocean Front room on a beach in Rhode Island for two days. Then we’re off to Boston to spend some time with my brother. It will be a fairly quick trip, but one that I desperately need. If I don’t get a wicked tan this summer, I’m going to be super pissed. I’m talking super and I’m talking pissed.
In other news, I’ve been using ProActive for the last 4 months. At first I wasn’t too impressed with the results, but with dedication and consistency, my skin now looks better than it ever has before! I don’t have a single zit on my face and my skin tone looks even. I hate to say it, but I’m hot now! Ok, I don’t hate to say it at all. I’m hot!
So I have these pair of jeans that have a huge whole in the crotch. I love the jeans and the way they fit, so I tend to overlook the fact that you can see my boxers through the gaping entrance underneath my zipper. Well, two weeks ago, I was sitting on the subway and I reached down to make sure that my boxers hadn’t bunched up. When my hand reached into the whole, I realized that my balls were sitting on the subway seat. UM! Turns out, the boxers I was wearing had a huge hole in the exact same spot that the jeans did. My heart lept into my throat and I quickly looked around to see if anyone saw me stuffing my nuts back into my pants. I don’t remember the last time that I had such an embarrassing and terrifying moment. Needless to say, I walked with my legs stuck together for the rest of the day.
Tonight I’m off to dinner with my friend Kelly, Megan, and Kelly’s girlfriend, Jen. We’re going to this place that is BYOB. Kelly said that the food is awesome and the fact that we get to bring our own wine is the best. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her as we very rarely get the chance to do that these days. I may even wear a tie. A tie made of drugs that is! According to Kelly, the restaurant we’re going to has homemade Mozzarella that is the bomb shit. I am such a freak for homemade cheeses. I could slather my naked body in them and then use my mattresses as two slices of bed. Then I would totally eat myself to death. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m excited about doing that.
On that ridiculous note, I’m out of here.
Have a great weekend everyone! Smile and laugh a lot. Or else I’ll take a crap on your pretty face.
Another week has come and gone. I just love Fridays. It’s like a different world. You know, cuz of Whitely, Dwayne Wayne, and Jaleesa.
My friend Angie has gone away on vacation, so I’m house-sitting for her and taking care of her fatty puffball of a cat, named Alex. He’s adorable, but extremely skittish. Last night he was curled up in my lap, having the rub down of his life, when the phone rang. He immediately bolted and ran under the bed. If I didn’t know Angie better, I swear she’s been beating the shit out of him. Otherwise, he’s just CUHRAZY!
I ate a bagel with light veggie cream cheese this morning. Good story, eh?
Next week, Paul and I are going on vacation! I’m so excited to get out of this smelly, hot city. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love New York City with my whole heart, but sometimes you just want to have a couple of days where you don’t have to ride the subway, deal with obnoxious New Yawkers, or smell the stench of piss and vomit that’s been basking in the 98 degree sun. Paul and I will be staying in an Ocean Front room on a beach in Rhode Island for two days. Then we’re off to Boston to spend some time with my brother. It will be a fairly quick trip, but one that I desperately need. If I don’t get a wicked tan this summer, I’m going to be super pissed. I’m talking super and I’m talking pissed.
In other news, I’ve been using ProActive for the last 4 months. At first I wasn’t too impressed with the results, but with dedication and consistency, my skin now looks better than it ever has before! I don’t have a single zit on my face and my skin tone looks even. I hate to say it, but I’m hot now! Ok, I don’t hate to say it at all. I’m hot!
So I have these pair of jeans that have a huge whole in the crotch. I love the jeans and the way they fit, so I tend to overlook the fact that you can see my boxers through the gaping entrance underneath my zipper. Well, two weeks ago, I was sitting on the subway and I reached down to make sure that my boxers hadn’t bunched up. When my hand reached into the whole, I realized that my balls were sitting on the subway seat. UM! Turns out, the boxers I was wearing had a huge hole in the exact same spot that the jeans did. My heart lept into my throat and I quickly looked around to see if anyone saw me stuffing my nuts back into my pants. I don’t remember the last time that I had such an embarrassing and terrifying moment. Needless to say, I walked with my legs stuck together for the rest of the day.
Tonight I’m off to dinner with my friend Kelly, Megan, and Kelly’s girlfriend, Jen. We’re going to this place that is BYOB. Kelly said that the food is awesome and the fact that we get to bring our own wine is the best. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her as we very rarely get the chance to do that these days. I may even wear a tie. A tie made of drugs that is! According to Kelly, the restaurant we’re going to has homemade Mozzarella that is the bomb shit. I am such a freak for homemade cheeses. I could slather my naked body in them and then use my mattresses as two slices of bed. Then I would totally eat myself to death. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m excited about doing that.
On that ridiculous note, I’m out of here.
Have a great weekend everyone! Smile and laugh a lot. Or else I’ll take a crap on your pretty face.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Can You Stop Hurting My Feelings?
First and foremost, I cannot stand Jessica Simpson. I’ve never been able to stand her anyway, but this whole Dukes of Hazzards craze has me vomiting all over myself. You should see the amount of clothes I’ve ruined. So she’s hot and has a souped up body. Big fucking deal. A lifestyle of anorexia, cocaine, and gym addiction will do that to anyone! But the coup de resistance? Her remake of These Boots are Made for Walking. The song has me clawing my eyes out, then taking the eyes and stomping on them until they’re puddles of eye mucus. Since WHEN does whisper, sex kitten singing count for anything? I’m sorry, but Britney Spears overdid that years ago. Jessica Simpson used to have an actual voice. Then she started making crazy faces while she sang and now she doesn’t even bother to put notes together. In her lamest whisper of a voice “These boots are made for walkin” right down the road to the town dump. God, she’s annoying.
Being Bobby Brown. Please GOD let the reality craze finally die. Not only are all of the shows SO overplayed (a person gets “booted”, “voted off”, “Fired” on every show), we are now dealing with celebrities thinking that it’s a good idea to show the world their personal lives. This is all fine and good, SOMETIMES. The Osbournes was cringe worthy, but kind of entertaining for awhile. Newlyweds was only good when Nick was shirtless or carrying Jessica around over his shoulder. But now…Whitney Houston, who at one time was pinned as the next Barbara, is showing the world that she is TRULY a cocaine addict. If you’ve never done cocaine before, you may not pick up on it in the first few episodes. But even the non-user can’t help but notice it in the most recent episode. She looks like SHIT to begin with and is in no way a mother or a wife. But when I saw her sitting there, her daughter next to her, shaking her legs and lip smacking worse than most of the homeless people on the street, I lost it. Everyone “comes down” from Coke, but only the true abusers get to the point where they are chewing their lips right off. Whitney Houston is no longer a respectable icon. She’s a hypocritical (“My husband hit me and I called the cops, yet I hit him every chance I get”) asshole and I’m furious that anyone would allow her to be put on TV in the state that she’s in. It’s disappointing, sad, and disgusting. I’ve had it with the whole thing.
Madonna and her “reinventions”. Reinvent a good song and then come back to me. Who cares if you’ve become a proper English woman? You’re a dickhead.
I’ve also had just about enough of celebrities taking a stand on the whole psychiatry business in our nation. Kelly Preston and Tom Cruise need to shut the fuck up and now. You’re actors. ACTORS. Cut the crap and do what you get paid to do. No one’s paying you to spout opinions. If that were the case, you’d be touring, giving lectures. And I used to LIKE Kelly Preston. Now she’s become just as bad as the rest of them. Just because you’re a celebrity doesn’t make your voice any more intelligent or important than the rest of us. Sit your ass down and read some scripts.
If you are on the new show Kill Reality on the E network, I fucking hate you. I watched the first fifteen minutes of the premiere episode and all they talked about was how angry that the acting community is cuz they’re taking our jobs. OMG. I was incensed. First of all, NONE of you are are taking ANY jobs that a respectable actor would want. Second of all, you’re has-beens that are only known by your first name. In five years, you won’t even be known by that. I refuse to watch the show now. As a society, desperate in need of some quality entertainment (Queer as Folk anyone?), it’s about time that we band together and stop watching this garbage. “Trishelle” (and yes you know who I’m talking about – that slut from Real World: Las Vegas) doesn’t deserve your time, nor your money.
While I loved Bravo’s Blow Out during the first season, the second season instilled a hatred like I’ve never known. Sure, I watched every episode, cuz I’m a glutton for punishment, but now that it’s over, I REFUSE to tune in ever again. Jonathan Antin is not only the biggest egomaniac on television, he’s the biggest fucking cry baby I ever done saw. One minute he’s talking about how he’s the god of hair, the next minute he’s crying like a pussy man over the fact that he’s the god of hair. After 8 episodes of this kind of shit, I have had enough. Be the god of hair all you want, but do it in your salon with no cameras around. I’m not your employee, so I don’t have to listen to your bitchiness anymore.
In conjunction with Antin’s antics, I’m also irritated by the Pussycat Dolls. Jonathan’s sister, Robin Antin, is the creator of the “Dolls” and I gotta tell ya…she looks like an alien that’s had plastic surgery. Understand? An ALIEN, that has had PLASTIC SURGERY. Their song “Don’t Cha” gets on my nerves like you wouldn’t believe and by the way, it’s not even an original track. They STOLE it. I guess it just goes to show that pretty girls can do whatever they want (SNORE!). I guess this also includes singing shit and getting plastic surgery, when you’re SURELY an alien. Understand? An ALIEN that’s had PLASTIC SURGERY. I’m sure you understand now.
I guess that’s it for today. I mean, there’s only so much hatred one person can discuss in one day.
First and foremost, I cannot stand Jessica Simpson. I’ve never been able to stand her anyway, but this whole Dukes of Hazzards craze has me vomiting all over myself. You should see the amount of clothes I’ve ruined. So she’s hot and has a souped up body. Big fucking deal. A lifestyle of anorexia, cocaine, and gym addiction will do that to anyone! But the coup de resistance? Her remake of These Boots are Made for Walking. The song has me clawing my eyes out, then taking the eyes and stomping on them until they’re puddles of eye mucus. Since WHEN does whisper, sex kitten singing count for anything? I’m sorry, but Britney Spears overdid that years ago. Jessica Simpson used to have an actual voice. Then she started making crazy faces while she sang and now she doesn’t even bother to put notes together. In her lamest whisper of a voice “These boots are made for walkin” right down the road to the town dump. God, she’s annoying.
Being Bobby Brown. Please GOD let the reality craze finally die. Not only are all of the shows SO overplayed (a person gets “booted”, “voted off”, “Fired” on every show), we are now dealing with celebrities thinking that it’s a good idea to show the world their personal lives. This is all fine and good, SOMETIMES. The Osbournes was cringe worthy, but kind of entertaining for awhile. Newlyweds was only good when Nick was shirtless or carrying Jessica around over his shoulder. But now…Whitney Houston, who at one time was pinned as the next Barbara, is showing the world that she is TRULY a cocaine addict. If you’ve never done cocaine before, you may not pick up on it in the first few episodes. But even the non-user can’t help but notice it in the most recent episode. She looks like SHIT to begin with and is in no way a mother or a wife. But when I saw her sitting there, her daughter next to her, shaking her legs and lip smacking worse than most of the homeless people on the street, I lost it. Everyone “comes down” from Coke, but only the true abusers get to the point where they are chewing their lips right off. Whitney Houston is no longer a respectable icon. She’s a hypocritical (“My husband hit me and I called the cops, yet I hit him every chance I get”) asshole and I’m furious that anyone would allow her to be put on TV in the state that she’s in. It’s disappointing, sad, and disgusting. I’ve had it with the whole thing.
Madonna and her “reinventions”. Reinvent a good song and then come back to me. Who cares if you’ve become a proper English woman? You’re a dickhead.
I’ve also had just about enough of celebrities taking a stand on the whole psychiatry business in our nation. Kelly Preston and Tom Cruise need to shut the fuck up and now. You’re actors. ACTORS. Cut the crap and do what you get paid to do. No one’s paying you to spout opinions. If that were the case, you’d be touring, giving lectures. And I used to LIKE Kelly Preston. Now she’s become just as bad as the rest of them. Just because you’re a celebrity doesn’t make your voice any more intelligent or important than the rest of us. Sit your ass down and read some scripts.
If you are on the new show Kill Reality on the E network, I fucking hate you. I watched the first fifteen minutes of the premiere episode and all they talked about was how angry that the acting community is cuz they’re taking our jobs. OMG. I was incensed. First of all, NONE of you are are taking ANY jobs that a respectable actor would want. Second of all, you’re has-beens that are only known by your first name. In five years, you won’t even be known by that. I refuse to watch the show now. As a society, desperate in need of some quality entertainment (Queer as Folk anyone?), it’s about time that we band together and stop watching this garbage. “Trishelle” (and yes you know who I’m talking about – that slut from Real World: Las Vegas) doesn’t deserve your time, nor your money.
While I loved Bravo’s Blow Out during the first season, the second season instilled a hatred like I’ve never known. Sure, I watched every episode, cuz I’m a glutton for punishment, but now that it’s over, I REFUSE to tune in ever again. Jonathan Antin is not only the biggest egomaniac on television, he’s the biggest fucking cry baby I ever done saw. One minute he’s talking about how he’s the god of hair, the next minute he’s crying like a pussy man over the fact that he’s the god of hair. After 8 episodes of this kind of shit, I have had enough. Be the god of hair all you want, but do it in your salon with no cameras around. I’m not your employee, so I don’t have to listen to your bitchiness anymore.
In conjunction with Antin’s antics, I’m also irritated by the Pussycat Dolls. Jonathan’s sister, Robin Antin, is the creator of the “Dolls” and I gotta tell ya…she looks like an alien that’s had plastic surgery. Understand? An ALIEN, that has had PLASTIC SURGERY. Their song “Don’t Cha” gets on my nerves like you wouldn’t believe and by the way, it’s not even an original track. They STOLE it. I guess it just goes to show that pretty girls can do whatever they want (SNORE!). I guess this also includes singing shit and getting plastic surgery, when you’re SURELY an alien. Understand? An ALIEN that’s had PLASTIC SURGERY. I’m sure you understand now.
I guess that’s it for today. I mean, there’s only so much hatred one person can discuss in one day.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Panic
So yesterday I bought a bag of pot when I was at work, as is my usual procedure. But after I bought it, I realized that with the new initiative of police searching bags in NYC, it may be wise to avoid the subway altogether on the way home. I decided to take a cab.
Well, I left my office and got to Broadway when I realized that I didn’t have enough money to take a cab. “Fuck it”, I thought. I’ll be fine. What are the odds that I’ll get my bag searched today!?” So I entered the subway and to my surprise there were two policemen standing at the turnstiles leading to the trains. For some reason, I immediately panicked and thought “It’s too late to run away, but I can’t go past them! They’ll figure me out!”
So for some reason I decided to walk over to the vending machines that sell the subway passes. I clearly had my pass already in my hand and the cop watched me act all sketchy and walk to the vending machine. Once there I realized that it was ridiculous for me to buy ANOTHER pass when I had just purchased an unlimited ride card in the morning. So then I turned around and walked back to the turnstile pretending as though I walked over to the machine out of confusion. As soon as I went to swipe my card through, the cop says “You, come here.”
My heart IMMEDIATELY starting pounding out of my chest and I said “Yes”?
Cop: “I need to search your bag.”
Me: “What if I say no? Then what happens?”
Cop: “That is your right, but then you have to leave the subway immediately.”
Me: (Realizing that I needed to get on the subway and that I needed to let him look into my bag – I came up with the perfect game plan on the spot) “Of course you can look in my bag. (I open my bag while still talking) I think it’s so great that you guys are checking bags and looking out for our safety.”
Cop: (Looking quickly through my bag, but obviously more interested in hearing me compliment him) “Thank you. A lot of people have a problem with it.”
Me: (Shutting my bag quickly and attempting to swipe my card) “Well I think it’s just great. (Screwed up my first swipe and tried again) Thanks again! I appreciate it.”
Cop: “No problem at all. Have a good day sir!”
I ran into the subway with my drugs safely tucked away in a side pocket. HOLY FUCK. I was petrified at that moment. I mean, what would have happened if he had asked to look in the side pocket of my bag and found the pot? Although I’ve heard from other people that they aren’t legally allowed to arrest me on the spot for that, I have a hard time believing it. I am sure that I would have been handcuffed and led out of the subway, convict style.
Needless to say, everywhere else I went last night, I took a cab. Sheesh! I don’t remember the last time I was that scared. I swear my sphincter was pulsating with fear. Had I been busted, I would have surely crapped my pants. And who wants to go to jail with poop in their underwear?
Yesterday was a very long day overall. I hung out with two different groups of people in a matter of 4 hours. It was rush rush and totally fun. When I got home at 11pm, I shoved my face with some leftover chicken and rice pilaf, washed my face and brushed my teeth and threw my self face down on the bed. I didn’t move until 6 this morning when I woke up feeling as though I hadn’t slept a wink. Luckily I laid there for an hour and a half stressing out about absolute nonsense. I fucking hate when that happens. I’ll tell myself to calm down and even try to clear my mind, but once I’m awake with anxiety, I’m awake for the duration.
Today I feel exhausted. I had therapy and the first thing I said when I sat down was “I got nothing for you today.” Sophie responded with “No problem at all. We can sit here in silence if that’s what you need today.” And I was like “Oh yeah. I paid $50 to sit in silence.” So then I talked to her about my frustration with hetero vs. homo. It was a really great conversation and the time kind of took off after that. Before I knew it, it was time to leave and get back on the overly crowded and humid subway.
Now I’m back at my desk and struggling to keep my eyes open. I have so much work to do today and although I’ve been busting my ass all morning, I haven’t really completed everything. It’s like I’m multi-tasking so well that I’m not entirely finishing any one thing. Now THAT’S effective multi-tasking.
Tomorrow I have to have lunch with my boss. It’s one of my most dreaded hours of the whole year. I can’t stand going to lunch with him. Probably because I can’t stand him. Whatever, I’ll suck it up and hopefully I won’t have to eat with him again for another 6 months.
Alright, I’m out of here. I’m even boring myself at this point.
So yesterday I bought a bag of pot when I was at work, as is my usual procedure. But after I bought it, I realized that with the new initiative of police searching bags in NYC, it may be wise to avoid the subway altogether on the way home. I decided to take a cab.
Well, I left my office and got to Broadway when I realized that I didn’t have enough money to take a cab. “Fuck it”, I thought. I’ll be fine. What are the odds that I’ll get my bag searched today!?” So I entered the subway and to my surprise there were two policemen standing at the turnstiles leading to the trains. For some reason, I immediately panicked and thought “It’s too late to run away, but I can’t go past them! They’ll figure me out!”
So for some reason I decided to walk over to the vending machines that sell the subway passes. I clearly had my pass already in my hand and the cop watched me act all sketchy and walk to the vending machine. Once there I realized that it was ridiculous for me to buy ANOTHER pass when I had just purchased an unlimited ride card in the morning. So then I turned around and walked back to the turnstile pretending as though I walked over to the machine out of confusion. As soon as I went to swipe my card through, the cop says “You, come here.”
My heart IMMEDIATELY starting pounding out of my chest and I said “Yes”?
Cop: “I need to search your bag.”
Me: “What if I say no? Then what happens?”
Cop: “That is your right, but then you have to leave the subway immediately.”
Me: (Realizing that I needed to get on the subway and that I needed to let him look into my bag – I came up with the perfect game plan on the spot) “Of course you can look in my bag. (I open my bag while still talking) I think it’s so great that you guys are checking bags and looking out for our safety.”
Cop: (Looking quickly through my bag, but obviously more interested in hearing me compliment him) “Thank you. A lot of people have a problem with it.”
Me: (Shutting my bag quickly and attempting to swipe my card) “Well I think it’s just great. (Screwed up my first swipe and tried again) Thanks again! I appreciate it.”
Cop: “No problem at all. Have a good day sir!”
I ran into the subway with my drugs safely tucked away in a side pocket. HOLY FUCK. I was petrified at that moment. I mean, what would have happened if he had asked to look in the side pocket of my bag and found the pot? Although I’ve heard from other people that they aren’t legally allowed to arrest me on the spot for that, I have a hard time believing it. I am sure that I would have been handcuffed and led out of the subway, convict style.
Needless to say, everywhere else I went last night, I took a cab. Sheesh! I don’t remember the last time I was that scared. I swear my sphincter was pulsating with fear. Had I been busted, I would have surely crapped my pants. And who wants to go to jail with poop in their underwear?
Yesterday was a very long day overall. I hung out with two different groups of people in a matter of 4 hours. It was rush rush and totally fun. When I got home at 11pm, I shoved my face with some leftover chicken and rice pilaf, washed my face and brushed my teeth and threw my self face down on the bed. I didn’t move until 6 this morning when I woke up feeling as though I hadn’t slept a wink. Luckily I laid there for an hour and a half stressing out about absolute nonsense. I fucking hate when that happens. I’ll tell myself to calm down and even try to clear my mind, but once I’m awake with anxiety, I’m awake for the duration.
Today I feel exhausted. I had therapy and the first thing I said when I sat down was “I got nothing for you today.” Sophie responded with “No problem at all. We can sit here in silence if that’s what you need today.” And I was like “Oh yeah. I paid $50 to sit in silence.” So then I talked to her about my frustration with hetero vs. homo. It was a really great conversation and the time kind of took off after that. Before I knew it, it was time to leave and get back on the overly crowded and humid subway.
Now I’m back at my desk and struggling to keep my eyes open. I have so much work to do today and although I’ve been busting my ass all morning, I haven’t really completed everything. It’s like I’m multi-tasking so well that I’m not entirely finishing any one thing. Now THAT’S effective multi-tasking.
Tomorrow I have to have lunch with my boss. It’s one of my most dreaded hours of the whole year. I can’t stand going to lunch with him. Probably because I can’t stand him. Whatever, I’ll suck it up and hopefully I won’t have to eat with him again for another 6 months.
Alright, I’m out of here. I’m even boring myself at this point.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Some Things…And Then, Some More Things
So, as we know, I’m obsessed with bodybuilding and muscle. Well, this morning, I was checking in on some of my Yahoo Groups and noticed that there was a new group called “Iraqi Muscle”. I joined up and took a glance through the pictures. I found one that got my blood boiling (in a horny way) and I immediately printed it out, took it to the bathroom, and jerked one. You know how sometimes after you cum, you feel this pang of shame, as though you have done something wrong? Well, I don’t get that a lot, but I did today. I came and sat there thinking, I’ve just jerked off to a picture of Iraqi bodybuilders. Would my brother (who fought for a year and a half in the Iraqi war) be disappointed in me? Then I decided that it was time to put my shame aside and clean up the pool of cum off the floor. Now I feel all better.
In other news, my true musical love, Jason Mraz, has just released his second album. I immediately downloaded the first single “WordPlay” and almost have the whole thing memorized. That kid can sing and his lyrics are fucking awesome. I can’t WAIT to get the whole album. If it’s anything like his first one, Mr. A-Z will be chock full of slamming hooks and great riffs.
Not that Hell’s Kitchen is worthwhile television on any level, but last night as the competition was narrowed down to the final two, I was shocked and amazed to see the last remaining girl be reunited with her lesbian girlfriend. And they KISSED! And Fox showed it! I was highly impressed that it wasn’t made into a big deal and that it was treated as though it’s normal. Cuz really…it IS normal. Hell’s Kitchen may be a time waster, but that moment brought me absolute joy.
Jamie Lynn Spears has accidentally revealed that Britney’s baby will be born in September. Who gives a fuck?
I’ve decided that I want someone to take me out on a date. Any good looking, mature, funny guys out there want to take a Joe out to a nice dinner? It can be totally plutonic. I just want to go out to dinner with a gentleman who is in the mood to show another gentleman a good time. That’s all. Please be able to bench me over your head tho.
Although my hamster friend, Jim, died two weeks ago, he’s still sleeping in my freezer. I know I have to bury him soon, but I just haven’t had the time. Also, I kind of like him sleeping up in there. Paul and I have made many jokes about it. For example, if you open up the freezer door to get ice cream, you have to say “Hi Jim! How are you today?” and then you close the door. It makes me laugh every time. But I really gotta bury his cute little soul soon. His ghost is probably flying around my apartment so furious that I don’t put him to rest.
I was majorly overjoyed to discover that the second season of Dead Like Me is now on Showtime On Demand. I was told by one of you out there that it had been cancelled after the first season, but you lied! I was so disappointed when I thought it was over, but now I have like 13 more episodes to watch and Paul and I are both excited about it. The show rocks. It makes me laugh, cry, and cum all over myself. Cept I don’t feel guilty after I cum when I’m watching Dead Like Me. I just feel empty instead. And also confused.
Missy Elliot’s new song “Lose Control” has me krumpin up in my pad yo! I love it. When it starts, my body starts shaking in weird ways and I can’t be held responsible for the dance moves that I create. I just love Misdemeanor and I love her styyyyyyyyyyyyle. Always have. Also, what’s up with my totally hetero crush on Ciara? I’ve downloaded her entire album and I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t even like girls, yet somehow I’m dreaming of the day when Ciara and I will be joined as one. Ah geez, that’s ALL I need.
Lastly, might I recommend a book for you to read? It’s called Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin. It’s actually a series of books, but start with the first one and you will be immediately hooked. Maupin created a weekly column that was published in a San Francisco newspaper during the 70’s. It was such a hit that it turned into a book and then books and then a television mini-series. I watched the entire mini-series back to back recently and it was BRILLIANT. Most times movies don’t capture the true essence of the books they’re made from. But in this case, the movies were outstanding! And it’s filled with celebrity cameos (although at the time they weren’t celebrities): Parker Posey, Janeane Garofalo, Jackie Burroughs…it’s enough to make you cream your pants. Essentially the book follows 8 (sometimes more) different characters and there are so many twists and turns that your neck will hurt for days after. If you’ve got some time on your hands and are in the mood for an adult soap opera of a novel that will draw you immediately in, might I recommend that you cut the shit and go pick it up! I promise you will not be disappointed.
I guess that’s it for today. I should probably do some work since I’ve been emailing like a crazy fucker all morning. Then again, I haven’t had a day at work where I slacked off in a long time. Possibly, I’ll go jerk off again in the bathroom. Maybe I can find some bodybuilding pictures of the Taliban this time. Eep!
So, as we know, I’m obsessed with bodybuilding and muscle. Well, this morning, I was checking in on some of my Yahoo Groups and noticed that there was a new group called “Iraqi Muscle”. I joined up and took a glance through the pictures. I found one that got my blood boiling (in a horny way) and I immediately printed it out, took it to the bathroom, and jerked one. You know how sometimes after you cum, you feel this pang of shame, as though you have done something wrong? Well, I don’t get that a lot, but I did today. I came and sat there thinking, I’ve just jerked off to a picture of Iraqi bodybuilders. Would my brother (who fought for a year and a half in the Iraqi war) be disappointed in me? Then I decided that it was time to put my shame aside and clean up the pool of cum off the floor. Now I feel all better.
In other news, my true musical love, Jason Mraz, has just released his second album. I immediately downloaded the first single “WordPlay” and almost have the whole thing memorized. That kid can sing and his lyrics are fucking awesome. I can’t WAIT to get the whole album. If it’s anything like his first one, Mr. A-Z will be chock full of slamming hooks and great riffs.
Not that Hell’s Kitchen is worthwhile television on any level, but last night as the competition was narrowed down to the final two, I was shocked and amazed to see the last remaining girl be reunited with her lesbian girlfriend. And they KISSED! And Fox showed it! I was highly impressed that it wasn’t made into a big deal and that it was treated as though it’s normal. Cuz really…it IS normal. Hell’s Kitchen may be a time waster, but that moment brought me absolute joy.
Jamie Lynn Spears has accidentally revealed that Britney’s baby will be born in September. Who gives a fuck?
I’ve decided that I want someone to take me out on a date. Any good looking, mature, funny guys out there want to take a Joe out to a nice dinner? It can be totally plutonic. I just want to go out to dinner with a gentleman who is in the mood to show another gentleman a good time. That’s all. Please be able to bench me over your head tho.
Although my hamster friend, Jim, died two weeks ago, he’s still sleeping in my freezer. I know I have to bury him soon, but I just haven’t had the time. Also, I kind of like him sleeping up in there. Paul and I have made many jokes about it. For example, if you open up the freezer door to get ice cream, you have to say “Hi Jim! How are you today?” and then you close the door. It makes me laugh every time. But I really gotta bury his cute little soul soon. His ghost is probably flying around my apartment so furious that I don’t put him to rest.
I was majorly overjoyed to discover that the second season of Dead Like Me is now on Showtime On Demand. I was told by one of you out there that it had been cancelled after the first season, but you lied! I was so disappointed when I thought it was over, but now I have like 13 more episodes to watch and Paul and I are both excited about it. The show rocks. It makes me laugh, cry, and cum all over myself. Cept I don’t feel guilty after I cum when I’m watching Dead Like Me. I just feel empty instead. And also confused.
Missy Elliot’s new song “Lose Control” has me krumpin up in my pad yo! I love it. When it starts, my body starts shaking in weird ways and I can’t be held responsible for the dance moves that I create. I just love Misdemeanor and I love her styyyyyyyyyyyyle. Always have. Also, what’s up with my totally hetero crush on Ciara? I’ve downloaded her entire album and I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t even like girls, yet somehow I’m dreaming of the day when Ciara and I will be joined as one. Ah geez, that’s ALL I need.
Lastly, might I recommend a book for you to read? It’s called Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin. It’s actually a series of books, but start with the first one and you will be immediately hooked. Maupin created a weekly column that was published in a San Francisco newspaper during the 70’s. It was such a hit that it turned into a book and then books and then a television mini-series. I watched the entire mini-series back to back recently and it was BRILLIANT. Most times movies don’t capture the true essence of the books they’re made from. But in this case, the movies were outstanding! And it’s filled with celebrity cameos (although at the time they weren’t celebrities): Parker Posey, Janeane Garofalo, Jackie Burroughs…it’s enough to make you cream your pants. Essentially the book follows 8 (sometimes more) different characters and there are so many twists and turns that your neck will hurt for days after. If you’ve got some time on your hands and are in the mood for an adult soap opera of a novel that will draw you immediately in, might I recommend that you cut the shit and go pick it up! I promise you will not be disappointed.
I guess that’s it for today. I should probably do some work since I’ve been emailing like a crazy fucker all morning. Then again, I haven’t had a day at work where I slacked off in a long time. Possibly, I’ll go jerk off again in the bathroom. Maybe I can find some bodybuilding pictures of the Taliban this time. Eep!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Queer as Folk Takes A Stand
I’ve always been an avid television watcher. I try to check out every series on TV (have to stay informed, you know?) and that can turn into a full time job on its own. I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to television, but on those rare occasions, I stumble across a show that not only entertains me, it teaches me something in the process. With the last season of Queer as Folk coming to a close, I wanted to quickly write about the effect that the most recent episodes have had on me.
We are currently two episodes away from the end of the series. When the show first debuted in 2000, I was turned off by the irresponsible usage of both drugs and sex. I was disappointed in the gay representation within the story lines and I didn’t find any of the characters to be memorable or even believable for that matter. Well, over the years, my heart and mind has been opened to the show and it’s made the BIGGEST impact on my life. As I have grown up over the past five years, so have the characters on the show. Not only do I identify with most of them now, I have fallen madly in love with them. When the finale airs in two weeks, I will cry, and hard.
Last week’s episode was, by far, the BEST episode of the acclaimed series. The show takes place in Pittsburgh and currently, the city is trying to pass a “fictional” law called “Proposition 14”, which essentially strips homosexuals of their current rights, while also making it impossible for them to consider marriage or adoption rights in the future. To combat “Proposition 14”, the gay community decides to throw a fundraiser at Babylon, the huge club owned by lead character, Brian.
At the height of the fundraiser, Cindy Lauper is singing this new hit of hers, Shine,(which by the way I adored) and at the climax of her performance, a white light flashes and all of the main characters look towards the door. In what can only be described as the most powerful visual of the summer television season, the club explodes as a result of a bomb planted by the bar. The explosion was never shown, but the look in the characters eyes as the white light flashed over their faces still gives me chills and causes the tears to rise in my throat.
I must have rewound and watched the scene a dozen times. Then when Paul and I met up yesterday, I had him watch the episode. While Paul is usually a stone when it comes to showing emotion, the shock of the explosion immediately sent him into a breakdown. We both sat there crying, holding each other, and angry that we live in a world filled with such violence and hatred.
It would seem that as I get older, I would become more accepting of the intolerance that is all around us. But for some reason, as I get older, I get angrier and more impatient with heterosexual bigots working their asses off to condemn the lifestyle that I was born with and trying so desperately hard to work through. The show may be a bit extreme to many people who view it, but for those of us in the gay world, there is nothing extreme about it. Our president IS a bigot and most right wingers scare me more than all of the Taliban combined.
The show has dealt with the religion issue on many levels. They have gone after Jerry Falwell and have even taken a stance to combat any sort of progress towards a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. While our representatives in the White House keep fighting for a heterosexist society, WE have a show like Queer as Folk standing up and speaking out on the difference between right and wrong, freedom versus oppression.
As a Born Again Christian, if I hear one more person tell me that GOD wants me to stop being a homosexual because that’s what’s written in the Bible, I very well may just knock the person’s teeth out. I’ve never been one for violence, but I’ve never been this fed up or angry either. I am so sick and tired of people blowing up people because of ANY sort of belief. What the fuck! Seriously, we will ALL be judged for our actions some day and I know that God is going to have quite a few choice words for people who use God as a reason for committing brutal murders. Using HIS name as a way of condoning murder, as a way of taking action for closed minded beliefs…oh man, I’m so happy that’s not the judgment I’m going to have to face.
Queer as Folk has touched a major nerve within me this season. Sometimes the dialogue can be a bit cliché and sometimes I literally laugh at some of the shit these guys deal with. But overall, I have to say that of any show I’ve ever watched, this one has actually changed the way that I see the world and myself. I’m so proud to be gay and I’m so proud that my minority group has come as far as we have come.
So I’ve made a decision. I’m going to start volunteering for a local gay organization. I’m ready to help out others just like me. It took me a long time to get to the point where I’m comfortable enough in my own sexuality and my belief in God. But now that I’m here, I feel compelled to be an advocate for Gay rights. Whether it’s working for an AIDS clinic or answering the phones at a crisis hotline, I won’t feel like a whole person until I do something to help out others who are struggling with some of the same issues that I’ve struggled with over the years.
Who knew that a television show could have such a powerful impact? If I were you, I would catch up with it while you still have the chance. Not only will you laugh and cry, you just may walk away looking at some of society’s most pressing issues in a new light.
Queer as Folk…Thank you.
I’ve always been an avid television watcher. I try to check out every series on TV (have to stay informed, you know?) and that can turn into a full time job on its own. I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to television, but on those rare occasions, I stumble across a show that not only entertains me, it teaches me something in the process. With the last season of Queer as Folk coming to a close, I wanted to quickly write about the effect that the most recent episodes have had on me.
We are currently two episodes away from the end of the series. When the show first debuted in 2000, I was turned off by the irresponsible usage of both drugs and sex. I was disappointed in the gay representation within the story lines and I didn’t find any of the characters to be memorable or even believable for that matter. Well, over the years, my heart and mind has been opened to the show and it’s made the BIGGEST impact on my life. As I have grown up over the past five years, so have the characters on the show. Not only do I identify with most of them now, I have fallen madly in love with them. When the finale airs in two weeks, I will cry, and hard.
Last week’s episode was, by far, the BEST episode of the acclaimed series. The show takes place in Pittsburgh and currently, the city is trying to pass a “fictional” law called “Proposition 14”, which essentially strips homosexuals of their current rights, while also making it impossible for them to consider marriage or adoption rights in the future. To combat “Proposition 14”, the gay community decides to throw a fundraiser at Babylon, the huge club owned by lead character, Brian.
At the height of the fundraiser, Cindy Lauper is singing this new hit of hers, Shine,(which by the way I adored) and at the climax of her performance, a white light flashes and all of the main characters look towards the door. In what can only be described as the most powerful visual of the summer television season, the club explodes as a result of a bomb planted by the bar. The explosion was never shown, but the look in the characters eyes as the white light flashed over their faces still gives me chills and causes the tears to rise in my throat.
I must have rewound and watched the scene a dozen times. Then when Paul and I met up yesterday, I had him watch the episode. While Paul is usually a stone when it comes to showing emotion, the shock of the explosion immediately sent him into a breakdown. We both sat there crying, holding each other, and angry that we live in a world filled with such violence and hatred.
It would seem that as I get older, I would become more accepting of the intolerance that is all around us. But for some reason, as I get older, I get angrier and more impatient with heterosexual bigots working their asses off to condemn the lifestyle that I was born with and trying so desperately hard to work through. The show may be a bit extreme to many people who view it, but for those of us in the gay world, there is nothing extreme about it. Our president IS a bigot and most right wingers scare me more than all of the Taliban combined.
The show has dealt with the religion issue on many levels. They have gone after Jerry Falwell and have even taken a stance to combat any sort of progress towards a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage. While our representatives in the White House keep fighting for a heterosexist society, WE have a show like Queer as Folk standing up and speaking out on the difference between right and wrong, freedom versus oppression.
As a Born Again Christian, if I hear one more person tell me that GOD wants me to stop being a homosexual because that’s what’s written in the Bible, I very well may just knock the person’s teeth out. I’ve never been one for violence, but I’ve never been this fed up or angry either. I am so sick and tired of people blowing up people because of ANY sort of belief. What the fuck! Seriously, we will ALL be judged for our actions some day and I know that God is going to have quite a few choice words for people who use God as a reason for committing brutal murders. Using HIS name as a way of condoning murder, as a way of taking action for closed minded beliefs…oh man, I’m so happy that’s not the judgment I’m going to have to face.
Queer as Folk has touched a major nerve within me this season. Sometimes the dialogue can be a bit cliché and sometimes I literally laugh at some of the shit these guys deal with. But overall, I have to say that of any show I’ve ever watched, this one has actually changed the way that I see the world and myself. I’m so proud to be gay and I’m so proud that my minority group has come as far as we have come.
So I’ve made a decision. I’m going to start volunteering for a local gay organization. I’m ready to help out others just like me. It took me a long time to get to the point where I’m comfortable enough in my own sexuality and my belief in God. But now that I’m here, I feel compelled to be an advocate for Gay rights. Whether it’s working for an AIDS clinic or answering the phones at a crisis hotline, I won’t feel like a whole person until I do something to help out others who are struggling with some of the same issues that I’ve struggled with over the years.
Who knew that a television show could have such a powerful impact? If I were you, I would catch up with it while you still have the chance. Not only will you laugh and cry, you just may walk away looking at some of society’s most pressing issues in a new light.
Queer as Folk…Thank you.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Flexing on a Friday
Happy Weekend!
I’m having one of those mornings where I’m horny as fuck. Well, let me clarify. I’m not horny to the point where I’m walking around with a perpetual erection. It’s more like I want to grind my dick against everything and everyone I see. Just grind. Nothing else. Just rub up and grind away. Sheesh. This week has fully turned me into an animal.
Our weekend superintendent is here today and he’s doing lots of hard labor right in front of my face. This guy has got the fucking best body ever. Huge, pumped arms, bulging chest and shoulders that I want to rub and climb all over. He wears really great jeans and his ass and legs looks fucking phenomenal in them. As most of you know, I’m heavily into muscle. I could care less about cock and balls or assholes as a general rule. But if you got some muscle packed on to your body, I will do whatever is in my power to get you to flex or take your shirt off and show me what you got.
Shockingly enough, a hot face does nothing for me. USUALLY. The super has a really hot face and it does add to his overall package, but if he didn’t, I would love him…er…lust him just the same. He doesn’t speak much English, so when we talk it’s kind of like playing charades or some shit. And it’s so hard for me not to look at him as though I want to lick him from the top to the bottom. Hell, I’d lick him from the bottom to the top if that’s what he wanted. No difference to me.
The Super and I get along pretty well and he’s constantly looking over at me, or actually…it’s me looking over at him and he catches me. Yeah. That’s definitely how it is. But when he catches me, he half smiles and I KNOW his mind is like “This kid is sweating me hard core”. And the thing is, I sweat no one. I play the game of trying to get guys to like me, just cuz it’s fun. But it’s rare for me to actually lose my game and get all insecure and nervous around a guy. When this happens, I lose my game immediately and become a blubbering gay goofball.
I know that the super is straight as he’s a 28 year old guy with 2 kids. And no, he’s not married. I just want to figure out a way to subconsciously tell him what I want to do with him. Most guys I’ve been physical with have been “straight”, but when I get off on their body and say things like “You’re so big” or “How much can you bench?”, there’s no telling where it can go. Sometimes I just touch their body for a while, sometimes I blow them, sometimes I even kiss them. All times it works out against me though. Cuz ultimately I am a gay guy and physicality only goes so far. While I may fall in love with one of these types of guys, they surely won’t fall in love with me. And most of the time that’s ok. I’m not in it for love. I’m in it for the muscle.
So I guess I’ll go back to fantasizing about the super coming over to my desk, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the basement where he will flex and pose and I will oil him up and feel every stretched muscle to the fullest. Then of course I will blow him, he’ll pick me up in his arms and kiss me passionately on the mouth. After that, I’ll smoke a cigarette and be on my merry way.
I’m sorry, but I just did my first commercial. I decide who I want and when I want it.
Happy Weekend!
I’m having one of those mornings where I’m horny as fuck. Well, let me clarify. I’m not horny to the point where I’m walking around with a perpetual erection. It’s more like I want to grind my dick against everything and everyone I see. Just grind. Nothing else. Just rub up and grind away. Sheesh. This week has fully turned me into an animal.
Our weekend superintendent is here today and he’s doing lots of hard labor right in front of my face. This guy has got the fucking best body ever. Huge, pumped arms, bulging chest and shoulders that I want to rub and climb all over. He wears really great jeans and his ass and legs looks fucking phenomenal in them. As most of you know, I’m heavily into muscle. I could care less about cock and balls or assholes as a general rule. But if you got some muscle packed on to your body, I will do whatever is in my power to get you to flex or take your shirt off and show me what you got.
Shockingly enough, a hot face does nothing for me. USUALLY. The super has a really hot face and it does add to his overall package, but if he didn’t, I would love him…er…lust him just the same. He doesn’t speak much English, so when we talk it’s kind of like playing charades or some shit. And it’s so hard for me not to look at him as though I want to lick him from the top to the bottom. Hell, I’d lick him from the bottom to the top if that’s what he wanted. No difference to me.
The Super and I get along pretty well and he’s constantly looking over at me, or actually…it’s me looking over at him and he catches me. Yeah. That’s definitely how it is. But when he catches me, he half smiles and I KNOW his mind is like “This kid is sweating me hard core”. And the thing is, I sweat no one. I play the game of trying to get guys to like me, just cuz it’s fun. But it’s rare for me to actually lose my game and get all insecure and nervous around a guy. When this happens, I lose my game immediately and become a blubbering gay goofball.
I know that the super is straight as he’s a 28 year old guy with 2 kids. And no, he’s not married. I just want to figure out a way to subconsciously tell him what I want to do with him. Most guys I’ve been physical with have been “straight”, but when I get off on their body and say things like “You’re so big” or “How much can you bench?”, there’s no telling where it can go. Sometimes I just touch their body for a while, sometimes I blow them, sometimes I even kiss them. All times it works out against me though. Cuz ultimately I am a gay guy and physicality only goes so far. While I may fall in love with one of these types of guys, they surely won’t fall in love with me. And most of the time that’s ok. I’m not in it for love. I’m in it for the muscle.
So I guess I’ll go back to fantasizing about the super coming over to my desk, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the basement where he will flex and pose and I will oil him up and feel every stretched muscle to the fullest. Then of course I will blow him, he’ll pick me up in his arms and kiss me passionately on the mouth. After that, I’ll smoke a cigarette and be on my merry way.
I’m sorry, but I just did my first commercial. I decide who I want and when I want it.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Joe: Superstar in the Making
I can’t believe that I’m about to write the following words:
I just finished completing my FIRST commercial!
I’m talkin real, on TV, totally on resume, biggest thing I’ve done in NYC, commercial! Wow. WOW WOW WOW. Whenever I have a bad moment today, I stop and think “Don’t be upset! You filmed a commercial yesterday!” For those of you that know me or have read my journal over these past 4 years, you KNOW that this has changed my life dramatically.
I have been so frustrated with myself since I moved to NYC that I haven’t given the acting career a shot; which is sad since I have NOTHING to fall back on. I gave up falling back on things back when I committed to being a career actor. Whatever whatever, I just can’t explain how proud I am of myself and the changes I’ve incorporated into my life over the last four months. A year ago today, hell…6 months ago today, I would NEVER have been confident enough in myself to do this commercial.
But I’m getting ahead of myself…lemme explain.
I showed up at the Fox studios at 8:15am and got into a party limo bus filled with 10 other actors. I gotta say, I was the hottest one of all of them. There was one guy who went on and on about being a model, but give me a break. I wouldn’t have sucked his dick if he paid me. Well, maybe I would have. I’ve recently started to give a shit about money. But anyways…
We waited in the party limo bus for about an hour before we even started driving to the first shoot. While waiting, I met Chris Gailus, who is by FAR my most favoritest news anchor ever! If you watch Good Day Live (7-9am on Fox Five) then you know him. He’s a 6”5 tall drink of hot water and he has got the personality of my dream. I shook his hand and made a joke that he laughed at and I fell immediately in love. Meeting him is almost a bigger deal than meeting Meryl Streep. Well, that’s not entirely true, but it’s true enough to make the joke.
After the production crew got their shit together and after this really heavy black woman talked my face off about everything she could think of, we drove to the heart of Times Square for the first “shot”.
There I was…in the HEART of Times Square filming a commercial. Of course there were tourists everywhere and they stopped and took pictures of us as though we were super famous. And I gotta tell you…the feeling in my chest…standing there…getting my picture taken for no reason…Oh. My. God. This is the career that I was born to do.
We filmed in Times Square for three long hours. The director took take after take after take and our only motivation was to laugh. Three hours of fake laughing and my jaw muscles were so pumped that I could have sucked any dick better than a vacuum. Now…the funniest part of this shot was that we had to group together and point at a TV-style billboard and laugh and laugh. Cuz what will happen is that in the editing room they will put the Fox logo over the top of the billboard and we will essentially be laughing at the hilarious program lineup for the Fall season. But guess which TV style billboard we were laughing at (only cuz it fit perfectly in the shot)?
We were pointing and laughing at the US ARMED FORCES billboard.
It was basically a big TV showing pictures of soldiers dropping out of planes and crawling under barbed wire and dedicating their lives to our freedom. And there we were…laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing. It was so mortifying and I felt like a complete asshole. Well, we ALL felt like complete assholes and one guy even came over and verbally berated us for being unpatriotic and laughing at the war in Iraq. The production manager tried to explain to him that we weren’t laughing at the Armed Forces. We were laughing at what will be a logo of Fox Five. He wasn’t having it and basically had to be taken away by the cops. Cept it wasn’t cops. It was the big and burly lighting guy.
But overall, the shot was so much fun to do. How often do I get cast in a commercial to begin with and how often do I get to shoot a commercial in the HEART of Times Square. My God. I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life.
After that, we all loaded back into the Limo party bus and headed out to the next shot. We ended up underneath the Brooklyn Bridge where I had to ride a Razor scooter. First of all, Razor Scooters and I are NOT friends. Riding them is for little kids or flaming gays. I am neither. At least I wasn’t in the MOOD to be either. But I rode it and did my best and now the entire city will see me riding by being like “YIPPEE SKIPPEE! I LOVE RAZOR SCOOTERS IN THE CITY AND I’M TOTALLY GAY!”
After that we took some more shots in various parts of the city and I gotta say…I’m a natural. At least that’s what I was told. But really…I’m a natural no matter what anyone says. I told you…I was born for this shit!
All of the actors got 3 shots. I got 5. I want to say it’s because I am so talented, but I think it’s because I have a hot face. Whatever. I’ll take what I can get.
The day finally ended for me at 7pm. I took the subway home and immediately collapsed on my bed. The life of an actor…shit. LONG ASS DAY. But I didn’t care. I made some new friends, totally rocked out at the assignment I was given, and for the first time in my life, worked the camera as though I was the first supermodel in the world. Fuck you Janice Dickinson.
The commercial starts airing in NYC in mid-August and will run until about mid-October. I’ll get a copy of the commercial, so if I know you, I’ll show it to you. If I don’t know you…look for the guy in the Kelly green shirt riding a razor scooter. Or more appropriately, look for the best looking guy in a commercial where everyone is dying laughing for no reason. Cuz that shit would be me.
Ok…this post is totally out of sorts today. I’m just so excited and happy that this opportunity fell into my lap and that I actually pounced on it. In the past I would have come up with SOME reason why I couldn’t do it. And this time, I did it and I loved it and it gave me a small push in the right direction.
I’m sorry Brad Pitt. But you can take a rest. There’s a new beast in town and his name is Joe.
I can’t believe that I’m about to write the following words:
I just finished completing my FIRST commercial!
I’m talkin real, on TV, totally on resume, biggest thing I’ve done in NYC, commercial! Wow. WOW WOW WOW. Whenever I have a bad moment today, I stop and think “Don’t be upset! You filmed a commercial yesterday!” For those of you that know me or have read my journal over these past 4 years, you KNOW that this has changed my life dramatically.
I have been so frustrated with myself since I moved to NYC that I haven’t given the acting career a shot; which is sad since I have NOTHING to fall back on. I gave up falling back on things back when I committed to being a career actor. Whatever whatever, I just can’t explain how proud I am of myself and the changes I’ve incorporated into my life over the last four months. A year ago today, hell…6 months ago today, I would NEVER have been confident enough in myself to do this commercial.
But I’m getting ahead of myself…lemme explain.
I showed up at the Fox studios at 8:15am and got into a party limo bus filled with 10 other actors. I gotta say, I was the hottest one of all of them. There was one guy who went on and on about being a model, but give me a break. I wouldn’t have sucked his dick if he paid me. Well, maybe I would have. I’ve recently started to give a shit about money. But anyways…
We waited in the party limo bus for about an hour before we even started driving to the first shoot. While waiting, I met Chris Gailus, who is by FAR my most favoritest news anchor ever! If you watch Good Day Live (7-9am on Fox Five) then you know him. He’s a 6”5 tall drink of hot water and he has got the personality of my dream. I shook his hand and made a joke that he laughed at and I fell immediately in love. Meeting him is almost a bigger deal than meeting Meryl Streep. Well, that’s not entirely true, but it’s true enough to make the joke.
After the production crew got their shit together and after this really heavy black woman talked my face off about everything she could think of, we drove to the heart of Times Square for the first “shot”.
There I was…in the HEART of Times Square filming a commercial. Of course there were tourists everywhere and they stopped and took pictures of us as though we were super famous. And I gotta tell you…the feeling in my chest…standing there…getting my picture taken for no reason…Oh. My. God. This is the career that I was born to do.
We filmed in Times Square for three long hours. The director took take after take after take and our only motivation was to laugh. Three hours of fake laughing and my jaw muscles were so pumped that I could have sucked any dick better than a vacuum. Now…the funniest part of this shot was that we had to group together and point at a TV-style billboard and laugh and laugh. Cuz what will happen is that in the editing room they will put the Fox logo over the top of the billboard and we will essentially be laughing at the hilarious program lineup for the Fall season. But guess which TV style billboard we were laughing at (only cuz it fit perfectly in the shot)?
We were pointing and laughing at the US ARMED FORCES billboard.
It was basically a big TV showing pictures of soldiers dropping out of planes and crawling under barbed wire and dedicating their lives to our freedom. And there we were…laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing. It was so mortifying and I felt like a complete asshole. Well, we ALL felt like complete assholes and one guy even came over and verbally berated us for being unpatriotic and laughing at the war in Iraq. The production manager tried to explain to him that we weren’t laughing at the Armed Forces. We were laughing at what will be a logo of Fox Five. He wasn’t having it and basically had to be taken away by the cops. Cept it wasn’t cops. It was the big and burly lighting guy.
But overall, the shot was so much fun to do. How often do I get cast in a commercial to begin with and how often do I get to shoot a commercial in the HEART of Times Square. My God. I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life.
After that, we all loaded back into the Limo party bus and headed out to the next shot. We ended up underneath the Brooklyn Bridge where I had to ride a Razor scooter. First of all, Razor Scooters and I are NOT friends. Riding them is for little kids or flaming gays. I am neither. At least I wasn’t in the MOOD to be either. But I rode it and did my best and now the entire city will see me riding by being like “YIPPEE SKIPPEE! I LOVE RAZOR SCOOTERS IN THE CITY AND I’M TOTALLY GAY!”
After that we took some more shots in various parts of the city and I gotta say…I’m a natural. At least that’s what I was told. But really…I’m a natural no matter what anyone says. I told you…I was born for this shit!
All of the actors got 3 shots. I got 5. I want to say it’s because I am so talented, but I think it’s because I have a hot face. Whatever. I’ll take what I can get.
The day finally ended for me at 7pm. I took the subway home and immediately collapsed on my bed. The life of an actor…shit. LONG ASS DAY. But I didn’t care. I made some new friends, totally rocked out at the assignment I was given, and for the first time in my life, worked the camera as though I was the first supermodel in the world. Fuck you Janice Dickinson.
The commercial starts airing in NYC in mid-August and will run until about mid-October. I’ll get a copy of the commercial, so if I know you, I’ll show it to you. If I don’t know you…look for the guy in the Kelly green shirt riding a razor scooter. Or more appropriately, look for the best looking guy in a commercial where everyone is dying laughing for no reason. Cuz that shit would be me.
Ok…this post is totally out of sorts today. I’m just so excited and happy that this opportunity fell into my lap and that I actually pounced on it. In the past I would have come up with SOME reason why I couldn’t do it. And this time, I did it and I loved it and it gave me a small push in the right direction.
I’m sorry Brad Pitt. But you can take a rest. There’s a new beast in town and his name is Joe.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Of Fucking Course
Fucking Shit.
Fucking fuck shit. And also, fuck. Shit.
I can’t believe it.
So not only am I totally psyched to be in the promo commercial tomorrow for Fox, I’m also fucking furious at myself for going to get my haircut the day before the shoot! I specifically told the bitch to leave my hair long, since I KNEW that she would fuck it up and there would be nothing that I could do. Well, after receiving her specific instructions, she began to hack the motherfuck away at my head. And now I sit here with hair so short, it would take a miracle to even get a glob of gel in it.
I mean, sure. My face looks wicked adorable. But my hair is non-existent. It’s fucking GONE. And now I’m damn pissed. Damn damn fucking shit damn pissed!
Last night I spoke to the girl who is organizing the shoot. I was instructed to wear jeans and a t-shirt since the role I will be playing in the commercial is “Man on Bike”. Fine. I mean, I haven’t ridden a bike in years, but as they say…
Anywhiz…I talked to her again about a half hour ago and I was instructed to bring a business outfit since I will now be playing two roles. THEN, I got a call 15 minutes ago telling me to bring construction boots since I will also be playing a construction worker.
UM.
Fucking what?
Yes, I know I’m quite studly of a man and all, but there is no way that I’m going to be able to pull off “construction worker”. I mean, I’m all of 5”8 and 165#. And I don’t have wife beaters, tattoos nor do I spit tobacco. What am I? The gayest construction worker ever? Oh God.
Tomorrow I will be playing a bald man on bike, a bald business man, and a bald, gay construction worker. And this is my biggest resume builder to date folks! To date!
Alright…anyway…
I had an absolutely amazing time with my brother this weekend. He was originally supposed to fly in on Sunday night, but his flight got cancelled, so he rolled into town early Saturday morning. We immediately began playing cards and talking and laughing until Monday morning when I got on the train and came back to the city. It was everything I could have hoped for and more. I can’t believe that he LIVES in the States now and that I can see him as much or as little as I want.
IMAGINE?
I’m like…Welcome home Winfield! I know you’ve been gone for 4 years, but can you please try to call me no more than once a month? Thanks. Fuck off now.
And now I’m back working at my job, snoring myself to absolute death and wishing that I didn’t cut all of my hair off the day before I got my ass on TV. Whatever.
At this point, there is nothing else to say, but whatever and also, whatever.
I’m hot, I’m cool, and I will make one hell of a business man, on bike, riding to his constuction worker job.
Fucking Shit.
Fucking fuck shit. And also, fuck. Shit.
I can’t believe it.
So not only am I totally psyched to be in the promo commercial tomorrow for Fox, I’m also fucking furious at myself for going to get my haircut the day before the shoot! I specifically told the bitch to leave my hair long, since I KNEW that she would fuck it up and there would be nothing that I could do. Well, after receiving her specific instructions, she began to hack the motherfuck away at my head. And now I sit here with hair so short, it would take a miracle to even get a glob of gel in it.
I mean, sure. My face looks wicked adorable. But my hair is non-existent. It’s fucking GONE. And now I’m damn pissed. Damn damn fucking shit damn pissed!
Last night I spoke to the girl who is organizing the shoot. I was instructed to wear jeans and a t-shirt since the role I will be playing in the commercial is “Man on Bike”. Fine. I mean, I haven’t ridden a bike in years, but as they say…
Anywhiz…I talked to her again about a half hour ago and I was instructed to bring a business outfit since I will now be playing two roles. THEN, I got a call 15 minutes ago telling me to bring construction boots since I will also be playing a construction worker.
UM.
Fucking what?
Yes, I know I’m quite studly of a man and all, but there is no way that I’m going to be able to pull off “construction worker”. I mean, I’m all of 5”8 and 165#. And I don’t have wife beaters, tattoos nor do I spit tobacco. What am I? The gayest construction worker ever? Oh God.
Tomorrow I will be playing a bald man on bike, a bald business man, and a bald, gay construction worker. And this is my biggest resume builder to date folks! To date!
Alright…anyway…
I had an absolutely amazing time with my brother this weekend. He was originally supposed to fly in on Sunday night, but his flight got cancelled, so he rolled into town early Saturday morning. We immediately began playing cards and talking and laughing until Monday morning when I got on the train and came back to the city. It was everything I could have hoped for and more. I can’t believe that he LIVES in the States now and that I can see him as much or as little as I want.
IMAGINE?
I’m like…Welcome home Winfield! I know you’ve been gone for 4 years, but can you please try to call me no more than once a month? Thanks. Fuck off now.
And now I’m back working at my job, snoring myself to absolute death and wishing that I didn’t cut all of my hair off the day before I got my ass on TV. Whatever.
At this point, there is nothing else to say, but whatever and also, whatever.
I’m hot, I’m cool, and I will make one hell of a business man, on bike, riding to his constuction worker job.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Frifuckingdizzle
What a week!
Shit man. Seriously. After Tuesday, everything kind of went haywire for me. I ended up going out on Tuesday night and not coming home until about 3am. It was a night of many drinks, many friends, and even a round of the hilarious and frustrating board game Apples to Apples. I mean…Apples to Shmapples, cuz I did absolutely terrible at it. Of about 3 hours of game play, I only earned myself 2 points, one of which was given to me out of sympathy (thanks Adam!). But in any case, I had an awesome time and when Paul picked me up and brought me home, my good mood fizzled fast. Clearly I didn’t get into bed until 4am and the McDonald’s that I tried to shove down my gullet tasted like sawdust and worms. With special sauce of course.
I was bound and determined to go to work on Wednesday regardless of my crazy and irresponsible antics, but when I woke up at 6:30am, I was blessed to have a head splitting migraine. I stayed home and nursed it for most of the day, only crawling out of bed to take shits and sip softly on a cigarette. (sip softly…I’m turning into a regular Walt Whitman over here). Yesterday I felt much, MUCH better, but then I went over to my friend Angie’s and got myself all good and liquored up again. I mean, COME ON. What the F? Cut the mother fucking shit Joe. Or drink coffee and sit around and talk about beat poetry like all of the other boring assholes in the world.
On a side note, at lunch yesterday, Ari looks at me and goes “OMG. It’s Matt Dillon!” I immediately turned my head and came face to face with Mr. Hot Ass himself. I swear he half winked at me and I had a minor, although intense, freak out about the sighting. Seeing famous people in NYC is quite easy, but when it’s someone that you adore (AKA Matt Dillon), it makes it even more incredible.
Matt Dillon had curly hair when I saw him yesterday. Good for him, I guess.
I guess.
My brother, Winfield, comes home from Germany today! I’ve been waiting four years for this moment. I, honestly, can’t remember the last time I was so overwhelmed with excitement about something. I mean…my brother. My little (cept he’s bigger than me), hilarious, totally amazing brother is coming home!!! As you all should know, he’s been in the ARMY for the last four years, so when he said “Joe, I need you to get me a bag of pot when I come home”, I thought “WELCOME BACK to the human race!” We will drink lots of drinks, smoke lots of pot, and rib on my parents all weekend long. It will be the fucking best no matter how you look at it.
Lastly, my friend Kelly’s girlfriend (didja catch all that?) works for our local Fox network here in NYC. Next Wednesday they are shooting promotional spots for the upcoming year and guess who is going to be in them? That’s right! One Mr. Joe CuttheShit! Weather permitting, I have a call time of 8am and I’m so excited to see what it entails. And imagine if I actually end up on TV? Oh man, it will look so good on my resume too. Keep your fingers crossed. More than anything, I want this to happen. Ok not more than anything. More than anything I want a slice of pizza. But of course!
Alright…well I must go back to pretending like I care about my shit fuck of a day job. I hope that all of you out there have a great weekend. Or at least as good as I know mine will be. Have fun, laugh a lot, and maybe even cum all over yourself. To me, that is the ideal type of weekend.
PEACE.
What a week!
Shit man. Seriously. After Tuesday, everything kind of went haywire for me. I ended up going out on Tuesday night and not coming home until about 3am. It was a night of many drinks, many friends, and even a round of the hilarious and frustrating board game Apples to Apples. I mean…Apples to Shmapples, cuz I did absolutely terrible at it. Of about 3 hours of game play, I only earned myself 2 points, one of which was given to me out of sympathy (thanks Adam!). But in any case, I had an awesome time and when Paul picked me up and brought me home, my good mood fizzled fast. Clearly I didn’t get into bed until 4am and the McDonald’s that I tried to shove down my gullet tasted like sawdust and worms. With special sauce of course.
I was bound and determined to go to work on Wednesday regardless of my crazy and irresponsible antics, but when I woke up at 6:30am, I was blessed to have a head splitting migraine. I stayed home and nursed it for most of the day, only crawling out of bed to take shits and sip softly on a cigarette. (sip softly…I’m turning into a regular Walt Whitman over here). Yesterday I felt much, MUCH better, but then I went over to my friend Angie’s and got myself all good and liquored up again. I mean, COME ON. What the F? Cut the mother fucking shit Joe. Or drink coffee and sit around and talk about beat poetry like all of the other boring assholes in the world.
On a side note, at lunch yesterday, Ari looks at me and goes “OMG. It’s Matt Dillon!” I immediately turned my head and came face to face with Mr. Hot Ass himself. I swear he half winked at me and I had a minor, although intense, freak out about the sighting. Seeing famous people in NYC is quite easy, but when it’s someone that you adore (AKA Matt Dillon), it makes it even more incredible.
Matt Dillon had curly hair when I saw him yesterday. Good for him, I guess.
I guess.
My brother, Winfield, comes home from Germany today! I’ve been waiting four years for this moment. I, honestly, can’t remember the last time I was so overwhelmed with excitement about something. I mean…my brother. My little (cept he’s bigger than me), hilarious, totally amazing brother is coming home!!! As you all should know, he’s been in the ARMY for the last four years, so when he said “Joe, I need you to get me a bag of pot when I come home”, I thought “WELCOME BACK to the human race!” We will drink lots of drinks, smoke lots of pot, and rib on my parents all weekend long. It will be the fucking best no matter how you look at it.
Lastly, my friend Kelly’s girlfriend (didja catch all that?) works for our local Fox network here in NYC. Next Wednesday they are shooting promotional spots for the upcoming year and guess who is going to be in them? That’s right! One Mr. Joe CuttheShit! Weather permitting, I have a call time of 8am and I’m so excited to see what it entails. And imagine if I actually end up on TV? Oh man, it will look so good on my resume too. Keep your fingers crossed. More than anything, I want this to happen. Ok not more than anything. More than anything I want a slice of pizza. But of course!
Alright…well I must go back to pretending like I care about my shit fuck of a day job. I hope that all of you out there have a great weekend. Or at least as good as I know mine will be. Have fun, laugh a lot, and maybe even cum all over yourself. To me, that is the ideal type of weekend.
PEACE.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Becoming the Man I’ve Always Wanted to Be
Do you ever have a day when you feel really proud of yourself?
I have been working so hard at my job these days. I’ve come up with some great ideas and I’ve actually put them into action without being encouraged or discouraged to do so. I basically saw a need for improvement and took it upon myself to take care of business. While I don’t feel economically benefited by the extra work, the whole thing is doing wonders for my psyche. My days are going by a lot faster and I feel like I’m an integral part of my staff. I’m not the boss of anyone, but the title “Office Manager” has made me feel really good about myself. And maybe that’s the most important thing anyway.
Last night I spent some time with Paul. Without getting too much into detail (because it upsets him when I write about him in my journal – hence my lack of that lately), Paul has been treating me with more respect than ever before and he’s turned into the cutest man on the planet. He makes jokes and goes all crazy some times and I just die laughing. It’s impossible not to. This is all very well and good, except that I made the decision a month or so ago to break up with him at the end of the year. For so long I’ve been living my life for other people, Paul included. Through therapy and through some major determination to get my life in order, I’ve made the difficult decision to live for myself.
Since I made that change, Paul has really put in an effort to be the boyfriend that I need. I mean, we’re still struggling in the sex department, but living together has become an absolute joy. However, I’ve already made the decision to move out on my own when our lease is up on December 1st. And I’m someone who is ALL about making decisions and sticking by them. Yet this time, I’m really going to have to learn how to be patient and to take each day and each step as they come. I love Paul dearly, but making him my number one priority for the last five years has caused me quite a bit of heartache and really set me back from the goals I want to achieve in this city. If I can figure out how to still grow and accomplish what I want to accomplish, then maybe Paul and I have a chance. If I can’t figure that out, then it’s clear to me that I need to move out on my own and give Joe CuttheShit a chance to develop. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship of such a serious nature anymore. Maybe I need to have a relationship with myself until I gain some stability in my life.
In either case, I’m having another great day today. I find that being busy and getting shit done makes me feel strong and capable of conquering anything. I’ve also found pride in each small step I’ve made thus far encouraging me to continue making steps.
Yesterday, I was on the subway home and I was bopping my head along with my Itunes, when suddenly this guy walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, so I held the paper in my hand and watched him walk off the subway. I opened it up and inside it said “Hi. I think you look like a nice guy and would like to get to know you better.” This was followed by his phone number. I was elated. I think my new found confidence and happiness is allowing other people to see me in a new light as well. Unfortunately, I thought the guy was kind of busted, so I threw the number away when I got off the train. But how cool was that?
I’m wearing shorts, sandals, a t-shirt today and I feel fucking adorable. What a difference being happy makes. I’m learning to let go of a lot of the anger that I’ve been carrying around for the past year and more importantly, I’m feeling less stressed about everything because I’m mastering the art of “letting things go”. It’s about fucking time.
I moved to this city to realize my dream as an actor. For years I sat here thinking that I was ugly or fat or not talented enough for the big time.
Was I fucking crazy?? I’m more than talented, I’m definitely a good looking bwah, and my personality is so much more fun and laid back when I’m not criticizing myself for every little thing. When people get pissed at me now, I debate whether or not it’s something that deserves to be confronted and if it doesn’t, then I back off and let whoever is pissed be pissed. Cuz at this point, my primary focus is myself. And I think that after 28 years of putting myself second to everything else, I deserve to be number one.
Right?
So right.
Do you ever have a day when you feel really proud of yourself?
I have been working so hard at my job these days. I’ve come up with some great ideas and I’ve actually put them into action without being encouraged or discouraged to do so. I basically saw a need for improvement and took it upon myself to take care of business. While I don’t feel economically benefited by the extra work, the whole thing is doing wonders for my psyche. My days are going by a lot faster and I feel like I’m an integral part of my staff. I’m not the boss of anyone, but the title “Office Manager” has made me feel really good about myself. And maybe that’s the most important thing anyway.
Last night I spent some time with Paul. Without getting too much into detail (because it upsets him when I write about him in my journal – hence my lack of that lately), Paul has been treating me with more respect than ever before and he’s turned into the cutest man on the planet. He makes jokes and goes all crazy some times and I just die laughing. It’s impossible not to. This is all very well and good, except that I made the decision a month or so ago to break up with him at the end of the year. For so long I’ve been living my life for other people, Paul included. Through therapy and through some major determination to get my life in order, I’ve made the difficult decision to live for myself.
Since I made that change, Paul has really put in an effort to be the boyfriend that I need. I mean, we’re still struggling in the sex department, but living together has become an absolute joy. However, I’ve already made the decision to move out on my own when our lease is up on December 1st. And I’m someone who is ALL about making decisions and sticking by them. Yet this time, I’m really going to have to learn how to be patient and to take each day and each step as they come. I love Paul dearly, but making him my number one priority for the last five years has caused me quite a bit of heartache and really set me back from the goals I want to achieve in this city. If I can figure out how to still grow and accomplish what I want to accomplish, then maybe Paul and I have a chance. If I can’t figure that out, then it’s clear to me that I need to move out on my own and give Joe CuttheShit a chance to develop. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship of such a serious nature anymore. Maybe I need to have a relationship with myself until I gain some stability in my life.
In either case, I’m having another great day today. I find that being busy and getting shit done makes me feel strong and capable of conquering anything. I’ve also found pride in each small step I’ve made thus far encouraging me to continue making steps.
Yesterday, I was on the subway home and I was bopping my head along with my Itunes, when suddenly this guy walked up to me and handed me a piece of paper. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, so I held the paper in my hand and watched him walk off the subway. I opened it up and inside it said “Hi. I think you look like a nice guy and would like to get to know you better.” This was followed by his phone number. I was elated. I think my new found confidence and happiness is allowing other people to see me in a new light as well. Unfortunately, I thought the guy was kind of busted, so I threw the number away when I got off the train. But how cool was that?
I’m wearing shorts, sandals, a t-shirt today and I feel fucking adorable. What a difference being happy makes. I’m learning to let go of a lot of the anger that I’ve been carrying around for the past year and more importantly, I’m feeling less stressed about everything because I’m mastering the art of “letting things go”. It’s about fucking time.
I moved to this city to realize my dream as an actor. For years I sat here thinking that I was ugly or fat or not talented enough for the big time.
Was I fucking crazy?? I’m more than talented, I’m definitely a good looking bwah, and my personality is so much more fun and laid back when I’m not criticizing myself for every little thing. When people get pissed at me now, I debate whether or not it’s something that deserves to be confronted and if it doesn’t, then I back off and let whoever is pissed be pissed. Cuz at this point, my primary focus is myself. And I think that after 28 years of putting myself second to everything else, I deserve to be number one.
Right?
So right.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Monday Blues? Not THIS Guy!
I feel absolutely great today!
It’s been so long since I had a good attitude on a Monday that I almost feel as though an alien has taken over my body. But a cute alien with a huge cock.
It all started when I woke up this morning. Usually on Mondays, I sit having my morning cigarette and lament all of the shitty things I have to do during the week. But honestly, this week, I don’t have anything to do that I don’t want to do. I was able to finish my cigarette, jump in the shower and leave the apartment without having my usual Monday morning panic attack. Things are really starting to look up for me and I am thrilled about it.
This Friday my brother moves back to the states. For those of you who don’t know, four years ago my brother moved to Germany to complete his 4 year ROTC commitment. Within a year of him living there, he was sent to Iraq and spent 16 months on the front line of the war. Thank God he made it through that experience unscathed physically, even if emotionally he is still dealing with some of the aftermath.
Over the last year, he has been finishing up his commitment and getting ready to come home. And finally, I’m about to have my brother back in my life! He is moving to Boston and we will get to see each other as often as we like. I’m going away with Paul on vacation at the beginning of August and it will culminate with us spending a few days in Boston with my brother! I mean…how fucking awesome is that? I’ve been waiting years for this time period of my life. A time when my brother and I could become the best friends that I know we’ve always wanted to be.
Since I didn’t get to spend my birthday with my brother and parents, we will be celebrating it this weekend. Many presents for me to open as well as a birthday dinner and a night out at the race track. I am so fucking excited! And I don’t have to work next Monday so I can either stay in Albany for 3 whole days or come back early and spend some time with Paul. It’s up to me and for the first time in a long time, I’m not going to make that decision until I absolutely have to.
Therapy is going really well. I’m just about at the point in my life where I feel confident enough in myself to begin auditioning in NYC. So much has been changing for me and it’s all starting to fall into place. I feel naturally happy and excited about what the next six months are going to bring. Lately, I’ve felt really pressured by everything else in my life, but with my therapists help, I’ve been able to eliminate a lot of the unnecessary bullshit that I just don’t need to deal with. And wouldn’t you know it? I already feel a lot more relaxed and in control of my life. God, it feels great.
Who ever knew that a Monday could taste so good?
I feel absolutely great today!
It’s been so long since I had a good attitude on a Monday that I almost feel as though an alien has taken over my body. But a cute alien with a huge cock.
It all started when I woke up this morning. Usually on Mondays, I sit having my morning cigarette and lament all of the shitty things I have to do during the week. But honestly, this week, I don’t have anything to do that I don’t want to do. I was able to finish my cigarette, jump in the shower and leave the apartment without having my usual Monday morning panic attack. Things are really starting to look up for me and I am thrilled about it.
This Friday my brother moves back to the states. For those of you who don’t know, four years ago my brother moved to Germany to complete his 4 year ROTC commitment. Within a year of him living there, he was sent to Iraq and spent 16 months on the front line of the war. Thank God he made it through that experience unscathed physically, even if emotionally he is still dealing with some of the aftermath.
Over the last year, he has been finishing up his commitment and getting ready to come home. And finally, I’m about to have my brother back in my life! He is moving to Boston and we will get to see each other as often as we like. I’m going away with Paul on vacation at the beginning of August and it will culminate with us spending a few days in Boston with my brother! I mean…how fucking awesome is that? I’ve been waiting years for this time period of my life. A time when my brother and I could become the best friends that I know we’ve always wanted to be.
Since I didn’t get to spend my birthday with my brother and parents, we will be celebrating it this weekend. Many presents for me to open as well as a birthday dinner and a night out at the race track. I am so fucking excited! And I don’t have to work next Monday so I can either stay in Albany for 3 whole days or come back early and spend some time with Paul. It’s up to me and for the first time in a long time, I’m not going to make that decision until I absolutely have to.
Therapy is going really well. I’m just about at the point in my life where I feel confident enough in myself to begin auditioning in NYC. So much has been changing for me and it’s all starting to fall into place. I feel naturally happy and excited about what the next six months are going to bring. Lately, I’ve felt really pressured by everything else in my life, but with my therapists help, I’ve been able to eliminate a lot of the unnecessary bullshit that I just don’t need to deal with. And wouldn’t you know it? I already feel a lot more relaxed and in control of my life. God, it feels great.
Who ever knew that a Monday could taste so good?
Friday, July 08, 2005
Long Ass, Poorly Structured, Much Overdo, Post
Ok, seriously. Why I woke up with a bruised rib and a pulled muscle in my leg makes no sense to me. Every time I breathe or walk, I cringe in pain. What am I? An old man? No one told me that at 28, your body fully starts to fall apart. Bruised ribs…what will they think of next? And by “they”, I mean shut the hell up.
So hi everyone!
My birthday and the 4th have come and gone much like they do every year. While my birthday was fairly low key this time around, I did have a pretty great time. My friends took great care of me and gave me some wicked cool presents, like a new bag, a kelly green shirt (from Kelly), more shirts and candy and toys and yeah! I love presents.
We went out to eat at this airplane themed restaurant that was pretty hilarious, only because in the bathroom as you were dropping a deuce (sick…like I ever say “dropping a deuce”) the flight attendant would come on and say “In the case of an emergency, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye”. Not the most original of jokes, but it made me laugh while I was taking a piss.
Then we went to XL Lounge and stayed for a couple of drinks. Then we went home and played pin the tail on the donkey and sat on Kelly’s fire escape watching some black woman walk around her apartment in only her underwear. No seriously, she brushed her teeth in her underwear and then did the unthinkable! She ATE after brushing her teeth. I couldn’t get over that one. Who cares about her naked, black nipples…I can’t stand it when people brush their teeth and then eat something. BRUSHING means no more eating! If you disagree then you have lots of cavities. The end.
Unfortunately, bringing Paul along for the ride turned out to be a hassle at the end of the night as he didn’t “feel welcome” among my friends and ended up becoming best friends with alcohol instead. No big surprise there. I took him home, threw him in bed and watched some gay shit on TV. No really, I watched a gay movie called Same Sex America and it was pretty good, but not the way I wanted to end my birthday evening. I’m sure you can understand why.
The 4th of July was pretty great. We drank beers and Paul and I made appetizers. We watched the fireworks from South Street seaport which gave the most unbelievable fireworks show I’ve seen in all my life. They were so close you could touch them. And having people around us screaming and cheering brought tears to both my friend Meggles and my eyes. Then we laughed at each other for crying and moved on with our bad ass selves.
All in all it was a good week. Coming back to work yesterday proved to me that not only do I need to get a new job, I need to kill everyone I work with first. I can’t even get into why I hate work so much now, but trust me, the hatred goes deep. Right down to the base of my cock and balls.
For some reason I’m listening to techno at work this morning. I feel like I should pull out some glowstix, jump up on my desk and start dry humping the first person that walks into my office. THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD and my head bobs right along. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
YEAH!
Now…in other news…I was “tagged” this morning by my friend Ari. I assume this means that I am supposed to fill out the questionnaire that she posted in her journal. Secretly I love questionnaires and also Velveeta macaroni and cheese.
So here it is!
10 Years Ago Today I Had just graduated from high school and was enjoying my last summer of nothing before going off to college. Since I wasn’t a drinker or a smoker at that point, I spent my summer in love with a straight guy (who I got into bed thank you very much) and hanging out with my girlfriend (thank you very much?). I went out to dinner a lot and went to see movies and plays. Wow, the things I used to do before I discovered drugs and alcohol.
Five Years Ago Today I had just graduated from college and moved to Boston to be with my new boyfriend, Paul. My birthday had just ended and Paul celebrated with me by taking me to see The Blue Man Group and out to dinner at the Hard Rock Café (thank God my taste in restaurants has changed). Paul was so sweet to me on my birthday and I loved being with him then. This year for my birthday Paul didn’t even get me a card. But as he says “He takes me out to dinner all the time”. So what the fuck does that mean anyway? That it’s my birthday every day of the year? Cuz I surely don’t feel like it is. It’s a poor excuse and it’s one of the reasons why I spend so much of my time hating him.
1 Year Ago Today I was on my way to Utica, NY to be in one of my best friend’s wedding. At the wedding I met a guy from one of the Real Worlds and hung out with my girl Rita. It was an amazing couple of days and other than the fact that I can’t believe a year has gone by so fast, I would do just about anything to relive that wonderful weekend.
Yesterday I woke up to the news of the terrorist bombings in London, found my dead hamster, and still managed to get my ass to work. Once here, everything went down hill, including me having to cancel hanging out with Rita this weekend due to a work commitment. I had a nervous breakdown half way through the day and ended up unloading a ton of shit on my therapist before heading out to dinner with my friend Mahd. My day ended much better than the way in which it began. Yet I have a bruised rib now. Twat?
Today I will have the weekend that I need to have since I will be working tomorrow. MOTHER FUCKER. Working on weekends is so super lame. And luckily I get to do it for the entire month of July! I’m heading out to happy hour with my friend Angie after work and I will most likely be home and in bed by 10pm. Paul will get home around 1am and probably stumble in drunk, tell me I’m an asshole for one reason or another and then we’ll both sleep through the night. Yeah. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.
Tomorrow I have to work. Suck my fucking dick I hate the real world and having to make money in order to survive. I said “DICK! SUCK IT!”
I’m not really sure how the following list of “5 Things” works with the whole “What have I been doing for the last 10 years of my life motif”, but I’ll rock it nonetheless.
5 Snacks I enjoy: Smartfood popcorn, Chewy Sprees, a throbbing cock, Swedish Fish, Breyer’s Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream – laden with Jizz of course.
5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of Their Songs: Nsync (fuck you they’re awesome), Nelly Furtado, Evanescence, Rent the Musical (fuck you it counts), and Debbie Gibson (cut me a break on that one…I was mucho gay when I was little).
5 Things I Would Do with a $100,000,000: Pay off all of my debt, pay off all of my parents and friends debt, buy a phatty house, buy a phatty car, and smoke the biggest phatty of my life.
5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to: My friend Rita’s house, San Francisco, Hawaii, Provincetown, Maine – cuz I’ve never been. Yeah, I’m even boring MYSELF with that answer.
5 Bad Habits I Have: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I Like Doing: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I would Never Wear: A rain coat, cowboy boots, make-up, a vagina, and Z Cavaricci’s.
5 TV Shows I Like: Lost, Desperate Housewives, Survivor, ER, anything on MTV and the list goes on and on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Movies I Like: Requiem for a Dream, Memento, What Dreams May Come, Boogie Nights, Rules of Attraction and the list goes on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Famous People I would Like to Meet: Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Timberlake, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Parker Posey, Scarlett Johansson, Tony Blair, Annabella Sciorra, Joan Allen, Ben Stiller, Nelly Furtado, and so many more.
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: My brother moving home from Germany next weekend, my best friend Rita having a baby, how well therapy is going, sleeping in late, almost finishing this post.
5 favorite toys: My two dildos, my computer, the dead body of my hamster, my PS2, and my new Spinpro toothbrush.
5 People to Tag: (Links make me tired so click on them at the left if you wish) MuscleBeast, ChwJohns, The Virginity Monologues, Diary of a Lethargic Madman, NYC.Twentysomething.
Ok…enough is enough with this post. Sheesh!
Have great weekends everyone and thanks again for all of your support yesterday. Jim is smiling down on you from hamster heaven.
Hugs!
Ok, seriously. Why I woke up with a bruised rib and a pulled muscle in my leg makes no sense to me. Every time I breathe or walk, I cringe in pain. What am I? An old man? No one told me that at 28, your body fully starts to fall apart. Bruised ribs…what will they think of next? And by “they”, I mean shut the hell up.
So hi everyone!
My birthday and the 4th have come and gone much like they do every year. While my birthday was fairly low key this time around, I did have a pretty great time. My friends took great care of me and gave me some wicked cool presents, like a new bag, a kelly green shirt (from Kelly), more shirts and candy and toys and yeah! I love presents.
We went out to eat at this airplane themed restaurant that was pretty hilarious, only because in the bathroom as you were dropping a deuce (sick…like I ever say “dropping a deuce”) the flight attendant would come on and say “In the case of an emergency, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye”. Not the most original of jokes, but it made me laugh while I was taking a piss.
Then we went to XL Lounge and stayed for a couple of drinks. Then we went home and played pin the tail on the donkey and sat on Kelly’s fire escape watching some black woman walk around her apartment in only her underwear. No seriously, she brushed her teeth in her underwear and then did the unthinkable! She ATE after brushing her teeth. I couldn’t get over that one. Who cares about her naked, black nipples…I can’t stand it when people brush their teeth and then eat something. BRUSHING means no more eating! If you disagree then you have lots of cavities. The end.
Unfortunately, bringing Paul along for the ride turned out to be a hassle at the end of the night as he didn’t “feel welcome” among my friends and ended up becoming best friends with alcohol instead. No big surprise there. I took him home, threw him in bed and watched some gay shit on TV. No really, I watched a gay movie called Same Sex America and it was pretty good, but not the way I wanted to end my birthday evening. I’m sure you can understand why.
The 4th of July was pretty great. We drank beers and Paul and I made appetizers. We watched the fireworks from South Street seaport which gave the most unbelievable fireworks show I’ve seen in all my life. They were so close you could touch them. And having people around us screaming and cheering brought tears to both my friend Meggles and my eyes. Then we laughed at each other for crying and moved on with our bad ass selves.
All in all it was a good week. Coming back to work yesterday proved to me that not only do I need to get a new job, I need to kill everyone I work with first. I can’t even get into why I hate work so much now, but trust me, the hatred goes deep. Right down to the base of my cock and balls.
For some reason I’m listening to techno at work this morning. I feel like I should pull out some glowstix, jump up on my desk and start dry humping the first person that walks into my office. THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD and my head bobs right along. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
YEAH!
Now…in other news…I was “tagged” this morning by my friend Ari. I assume this means that I am supposed to fill out the questionnaire that she posted in her journal. Secretly I love questionnaires and also Velveeta macaroni and cheese.
So here it is!
10 Years Ago Today I Had just graduated from high school and was enjoying my last summer of nothing before going off to college. Since I wasn’t a drinker or a smoker at that point, I spent my summer in love with a straight guy (who I got into bed thank you very much) and hanging out with my girlfriend (thank you very much?). I went out to dinner a lot and went to see movies and plays. Wow, the things I used to do before I discovered drugs and alcohol.
Five Years Ago Today I had just graduated from college and moved to Boston to be with my new boyfriend, Paul. My birthday had just ended and Paul celebrated with me by taking me to see The Blue Man Group and out to dinner at the Hard Rock Café (thank God my taste in restaurants has changed). Paul was so sweet to me on my birthday and I loved being with him then. This year for my birthday Paul didn’t even get me a card. But as he says “He takes me out to dinner all the time”. So what the fuck does that mean anyway? That it’s my birthday every day of the year? Cuz I surely don’t feel like it is. It’s a poor excuse and it’s one of the reasons why I spend so much of my time hating him.
1 Year Ago Today I was on my way to Utica, NY to be in one of my best friend’s wedding. At the wedding I met a guy from one of the Real Worlds and hung out with my girl Rita. It was an amazing couple of days and other than the fact that I can’t believe a year has gone by so fast, I would do just about anything to relive that wonderful weekend.
Yesterday I woke up to the news of the terrorist bombings in London, found my dead hamster, and still managed to get my ass to work. Once here, everything went down hill, including me having to cancel hanging out with Rita this weekend due to a work commitment. I had a nervous breakdown half way through the day and ended up unloading a ton of shit on my therapist before heading out to dinner with my friend Mahd. My day ended much better than the way in which it began. Yet I have a bruised rib now. Twat?
Today I will have the weekend that I need to have since I will be working tomorrow. MOTHER FUCKER. Working on weekends is so super lame. And luckily I get to do it for the entire month of July! I’m heading out to happy hour with my friend Angie after work and I will most likely be home and in bed by 10pm. Paul will get home around 1am and probably stumble in drunk, tell me I’m an asshole for one reason or another and then we’ll both sleep through the night. Yeah. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH.
Tomorrow I have to work. Suck my fucking dick I hate the real world and having to make money in order to survive. I said “DICK! SUCK IT!”
I’m not really sure how the following list of “5 Things” works with the whole “What have I been doing for the last 10 years of my life motif”, but I’ll rock it nonetheless.
5 Snacks I enjoy: Smartfood popcorn, Chewy Sprees, a throbbing cock, Swedish Fish, Breyer’s Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream – laden with Jizz of course.
5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of Their Songs: Nsync (fuck you they’re awesome), Nelly Furtado, Evanescence, Rent the Musical (fuck you it counts), and Debbie Gibson (cut me a break on that one…I was mucho gay when I was little).
5 Things I Would Do with a $100,000,000: Pay off all of my debt, pay off all of my parents and friends debt, buy a phatty house, buy a phatty car, and smoke the biggest phatty of my life.
5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to: My friend Rita’s house, San Francisco, Hawaii, Provincetown, Maine – cuz I’ve never been. Yeah, I’m even boring MYSELF with that answer.
5 Bad Habits I Have: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I Like Doing: Smoking, biting my fingernails, eating in bed late at night, watching too much TV, masturbating everywhere I can.
5 Things I would Never Wear: A rain coat, cowboy boots, make-up, a vagina, and Z Cavaricci’s.
5 TV Shows I Like: Lost, Desperate Housewives, Survivor, ER, anything on MTV and the list goes on and on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Movies I Like: Requiem for a Dream, Memento, What Dreams May Come, Boogie Nights, Rules of Attraction and the list goes on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
5 Famous People I would Like to Meet: Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Timberlake, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Parker Posey, Scarlett Johansson, Tony Blair, Annabella Sciorra, Joan Allen, Ben Stiller, Nelly Furtado, and so many more.
5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: My brother moving home from Germany next weekend, my best friend Rita having a baby, how well therapy is going, sleeping in late, almost finishing this post.
5 favorite toys: My two dildos, my computer, the dead body of my hamster, my PS2, and my new Spinpro toothbrush.
5 People to Tag: (Links make me tired so click on them at the left if you wish) MuscleBeast, ChwJohns, The Virginity Monologues, Diary of a Lethargic Madman, NYC.Twentysomething.
Ok…enough is enough with this post. Sheesh!
Have great weekends everyone and thanks again for all of your support yesterday. Jim is smiling down on you from hamster heaven.
Hugs!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
R.I.P. Jim
My hamster Jim died this morning. I know he’s just a hamster and whatever, but I’m deeply upset by this loss. I have a lot to talk about regarding my birthday and the 4th of July, but there is no way I’m in the mood to do it today.
Things are just going so fucking shitty right now. And if one more terrorist blows up something in this world, I’m going to lose it. I have so much anger inside of me today and rather than take it out on this journal, I’m just going to end this post with positive thoughts of my little Jim guy.
I’ve never had a pet to call my own and Jim was surely my first one. He never bit me, he always recognized me when he saw me, and he was the smartest little guy I ever met. In his last days, he even learned how to open up the door to his cage. I mean, what hamster does that in the last week of their life?
I will miss holding him, feeding him treats, and watching him sleep. I’ve never seen a cuter hamster in my life.
Jim will get a wonderful little funeral. And I will always remember him for taking away some of the loneliness that I’ve been feeling for so long.
I love you little guy.
My hamster Jim died this morning. I know he’s just a hamster and whatever, but I’m deeply upset by this loss. I have a lot to talk about regarding my birthday and the 4th of July, but there is no way I’m in the mood to do it today.
Things are just going so fucking shitty right now. And if one more terrorist blows up something in this world, I’m going to lose it. I have so much anger inside of me today and rather than take it out on this journal, I’m just going to end this post with positive thoughts of my little Jim guy.
I’ve never had a pet to call my own and Jim was surely my first one. He never bit me, he always recognized me when he saw me, and he was the smartest little guy I ever met. In his last days, he even learned how to open up the door to his cage. I mean, what hamster does that in the last week of their life?
I will miss holding him, feeding him treats, and watching him sleep. I’ve never seen a cuter hamster in my life.
Jim will get a wonderful little funeral. And I will always remember him for taking away some of the loneliness that I’ve been feeling for so long.
I love you little guy.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Happy July 4th Everyone!
And also I'm 28 now!!
Will be back tomorrow with the whole shabang!
And also I'm 28 now!!
Will be back tomorrow with the whole shabang!
